Ah! Conspiracy Theories!

Ah! Conspiracy Theories—the new American pastime! Such fun! And so democratic! Anyone can play. You don’t need to be smart or rich or have any special equipment to participate. With a little imagination and a gullible nature, you might get down the rabbit hole fast, but how long can you hold out against truth-tellers? Staying power—that’s the decisive characteristic of winners in the Conspiracy Theory Game.

I have no special gifts, but I can make up a conspiracy theory while sitting at a stop light.  It’s easy! Here’s one: The rising tide of inflation about to drown us all is deliberately engineered by Corporate America to undermine President Biden because his tax plan threatens to force billionaire CEOs and their corporations to pay their fair share of taxes. 

My theory reveals a brilliant yet simple strategy:  Drive the cost of living so high that ordinary people struggle to survive. Just jack up gasoline prices and all transportable goods get a price hike. Then convince the general public that it’s the Democrats’ fault, and they won’t be re-elected. (Remember Adolph Hitler’s colossal lie as a propaganda tool in Mein Kamph?) Bye, bye, Biden and his equitable tax plan. 

The genius of using inflation to oust Biden is that it doesn’t require a violent coup to overthrow the government. You don’t need guns or tanks or a turncoat military to seize power. You don’t need a mob of crazed insurrectionists to assault the Capitol. You don’t need an executive order directing the Defense Secretary and National Guardsmen to seize voting machines  where Democrats might win.  All that’s required is to raise the cost of living, blame the Democrats, and—poof!—Biden and his majority in Congress are gone. 

Think about it: Who controls prices? Not the Congress! Not the President! 

Corporations control prices! President Biden has released oil reserves to reduce the cost of gasoline for consumers; however, CEOs still have a say in how much their products cost. Typically, a company’s marketing and accounting departments assess the market value and profitability of a product. Then executives make the final decision about price.

A markup is assigned at the stores where the product is sold. People with leverage in those companies make the decisions, and the profit motive prevails. (Remember the Friedman Doctrine:  “The only social responsibility of business is to increase its profits.”) Higher taxes cut into profits, both corporate and personal, so nix the guy who says, “Pay your fair share!” 

So far! So good! I have my theory, but do I BELIEVE it? Do I BELIEVE that the current inflation rate is a deliberate ploy by Corporate America to undermine the Biden Administration?  That question knocks me out of the game. 

It’s not enough to IMAGINE a devious plot or to be GULLIBLE enough to get sucked into someone else’s malicious yarn. You have to suspend critical thinking and believe it without proof. That’s where I fail. I need proof—you know, documented facts, evidence.  I’m a fuddy-duddy that way. 

I can dabble at the edge of the rabbit hole, peer into it curiously, but I am restrained by reasonable doubts from throwing myself whole-hog into the Conspiracy Theory Game. Thus, I’ll never be a big player. I won’t bash an opposing view over the head with a fire extinguisher, stab it with the pointed end of a flag pole, crush it under a stampede of violent protesters, or kill capitol police officers.  Being rational hinders my capacity to play hard to the end. You must be a loose canon to do that!

Too bad! I thought I had a pretty good theory, even if I did just make it up at a stop light.